How I bluffed my way through college
Mr. White was that stern, older English teacher adored by the bookish nerds and despised by those students accustomed to getting by on entitlement and shouty parental phone calls. Naturally, I was...
View ArticleWhen nature calls — at the worst time
You never quite forget the first time you crap yourself. Sure, there are the preambles -- the day you barely made it, running down the hall looking like a middle school boy hiding his erection, the...
View ArticleI admit it: I’m a man, and I love soap operas
My heart sank when I heard the news: After years of declining ratings, ABC dropped the ax on "All My Children" and "One Life to Live." The devastation I felt was a surprise to everyone -- including...
View ArticleMy humiliating email disaster
It began with a simple email: "So-and-so bought you a free movie ticket redeemable at 200 theaters!"I like to think I'm skeptical of email scams, but this one took me by surprise. As it turned out,...
View ArticleWhat I never told anyone about her death
I Dead bodies do get a grayish blue/purple hue because blood pools in the capillaries and the body starts to decompose. It's not smurf blue, but it's not a pleasant shade. The ultrasound technician...
View ArticleWhen I threw my boyfriend in front of a car
One Tuesday afternoon last January, I was crossing the street -- with the light in the crosswalk, mind you -- when a white Crown Vic taxi came barreling around the corner. I did what city folk usually...
View ArticleWhen I fell for a doomsday prophecy
To most people, Harold Camping -- the 89-year-old doomsday prophet who insists the Rapture will occur this Saturday -- exists mainly as a source of comic relief. But for me, his name is an involuntary...
View ArticleWhen I went back into the closet
Several months ago, when I was still living in New Orleans, I worked as a family law attorney for a legal aid organization. Trial practice is not as exciting as "Law and Order" makes it seem: Most of...
View ArticleI was the Harvard harlot
Professionally speaking, I'm what some people call a "sexpert" (and probably what your granny might call a "harlot"). By the ripe age of 20, I'd already written an explicit sex blog, moonlighted as a...
View ArticleMy year of tears
Like most mothers, I have wiped away buckets of tears in my time. My daughters came into the world squalling, and they've been doing it consistently ever since. Through scraped knees and...
View ArticleTales of a recovering blabbermouth
I was 6 when I first began to worry that a person's death came not at a certain age, but when you used up the words allotted to you. This thought filled me with panic, but it did nothing to deter me...
View ArticleI pulled a Playboy Bunny stunt on my dad
It's hard to say why I thought my dad would love me more if I was sexy.But with him gone all the time and my mom, my two sisters and me all vying for his attention, I knew I was going to have to do...
View ArticleThe dirty laundry that ended my career
I was under intense pressure at work. I was one of the few art directors to survive recent layoffs, and I suspected that I had made the cut merely because the creative director felt she could bully me...
View ArticleWhat this professor learned in prison
I'm a middle-aged college professor. I sport no tattoos, no piercings beyond the traditional one hole per earlobe, and no visible battle scars. But I have spent time in prison.In 1979 I was sentenced...
View ArticleThe lies I told as a psychic
It was 2 a.m., and by the time I got off the phone with Judy, I knew all about her dead husband, ungrateful children and the grandkids she didn't get to see enough. I predicted that she would travel...
View ArticleThis is why I’m fat
Our laundry bag's seams are busting open, stitches visibly straining. My husband, Jeff, staggers as he heaves the immense load onto his shoulder. We walk together to the laundromat, where Jeff releases...
View ArticleI’m a sex writer with a secret shame — hoarding
Over the past decade as a writer specializing in sex, I've dished about my erotic escapades, from threesomes to kinky parties to a date gone wrong with a Top Chef. I've posed with a freshly spanked...
View ArticleThe 38-year-old relationship virgin
A few years ago at my second cousin’s bat mitzvah, one of my aunt’s friends approached me. She dispatched with three sentences of small talk before she placed her hand on my shoulder and leaned...
View ArticleI fell for a Craigslist job scam
A professor once told a class at my university that “all of society is playing itself out on Craigslist.” He was right, it’s all there: the things we value and no longer want, the spaces we live in,...
View ArticleComing out about spanking
Six weeks after we started dating, I told Emily my secret.We were in bed, still in those heady, lust-filled days of a new relationship. I really liked her, suspected that I might even love her, which...
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